Walking for Warriors
The idea of telling our story is so overwhelmingly terrifying to me. I can’t do that at this point in our journey. Instead of trying to organize all of those words- Fear. Saddness. Anxiety. Pain. Anger. Confusion. Ignorance. Loneliness. Life. Death. Tears. Faith. Thanksgiving. Etc. I have decided to present to you a real, raw, profound post I wrote in an honest and vulnerable moment of clarity amongst my confusion.
“This year has been the hardest we’ve ever been through. I’m not going to mention any thing else but this, because honestly none of it really can compare to this.
This year I started to grieve and mourn my son. I prepared my self the best I could to lose him. I went places mentally that no one ever should. I should not have. But I did because that was a very real possibility.
I researched and thought endlessly about how they were going to cool my son’s body. Stop his heart. Open his chest. And all of the complications that go with that. I thought about how I could lose him.
Endlessly I thought about the what ifs. I took pictures of him and family pictures “just in case.”
I can’t even look at those photos now because it brings me back there. I dread Dr visits. I dread going to Peoria in general. It literally physically makes me sick.
I wouldnt take this year back for anything because it saved my son’s life. His heart had very severe damage. Without his Dr finding this I’d be writing a very different post right now.
I am BEYOND thankful for this year. BEYOND thankful for OSF and their doctors and surgeons. I am BEYOND thankful for the family and friends who were there by our sides. I am BEYOND thankful to God for putting the right people in our lives. I am BEYOND thankful to the friends who told us about his new primary.
My goal this year is to try my hardest to talk about this. To heal. To get out of this dark place my head keeps returning to what could’ve been and stop mourning. To focus on where we are. To focus on all the progress, not that he “still isnt healthy”. So as terrifying, horrifying, depressing, crazy, and unexpected as this year has been, it has also been miraculous, life saving, life changing, and taught me to appreciate each moment as if it were our last.
Thank you 2019, I surely will never forget you. But I also hope to never return to the depths that you took our family.”
In honor of our Super CHD Heart Warrior Evaristo Chicho, we are asking our friends and family to open their hearts and consider pledging and/or participating in the Congenital Heart Disease (CHD) Walk, on May 31st 2020 in Peoria, IL. We are hoping to raise awareness and/or money to help children live with their congenital heart defects, a life long disease.
With your help, we could raise critical funds to help save the lives of babies, children, and teens at the Congenital Heart Center at OSF Children’s Hospital of Illinois. Your participation would also contribute to help fund vital research through the Adult Congenital Heart Association as they work to support those afflicted with CHD to live longer lives.
CaptainCiara Trowbridge-Zawodniak$20.00 raised